I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
