please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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