Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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