Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
