Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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