at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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