Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
