I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
