so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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