new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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