i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Can I color on your dick again?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
