Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
