did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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