she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i came on her dog
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
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