1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
