..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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