they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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