If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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