I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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