I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
