we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I touched a dick in church today
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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