I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
