one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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