So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Two words: blizzard sex
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
