Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
