there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
