i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
