I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
