so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
