I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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