I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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