I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
