There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
