There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
they need to just BURY HIM!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
