i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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