no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
