Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
