Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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