I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
