We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
