the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
