i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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