Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
