dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
