So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
