my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
