This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
