what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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