I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
