I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize