Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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