I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I am one with the molecules
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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