If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
