Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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