yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
