She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
