Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
