you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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