i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
