Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
