all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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