he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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