Got a toothbrush?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
