I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
