Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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