does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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