Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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