yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
