From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
