The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This toilet bowl is my home.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
