I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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