Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
