the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
